You don't seem that funny: Weekly round-up. What's coming up

I came into work at 5.30am today to do absolutely nothing. Hmph.

What a week we have had.

I have performed stand-up in front of 80 people. My hand shook violently whilst on stage but somehow I muddled through and received a warm reception. It must have been the vibrator joke that did it. I am thankful for all my friends who came to watch. I have received encouragement to carry on gigging but I am not quite sure just yet. I can't tell if I enjoyed it, it was quite hard to do but I felt so high after.

Also this week saw the wrong winner for the British entry to the Eurovision announced on stage by Terry and Fearne. 90s Steps tribute act Scooch will be representing all that is good about British pop... I can't wait (to watch us loose).

On Friday I hung out with Lizo whilst visiting Children's BBC's news-show 'Newsround'. You can't see this on the photo above but with his shaved head he looks like a younger version of the guy from the Halifax adverts. He showed me some photographs depicting him holding MTV awards and complained he looked much older now. I accidentally insulted him by saying the only difference between them, was that he was smiling and now he looks like he's been at CBBC too long. He played a video of an Iron Maiden concert in the 80s, where you can glimpse him in the crowd at the end. Despite his love of heavy metal, he is a lot less 'zany' than you would imagine a CBBC presenter to be. It must be the serious news journalist in him. Additionally he said my last name was boring, such a cheek. He has a GSOH though. Good old GSOH.

Did you hear the one about the speed-dating tampon who gives head? At CBBC one lady said to me 'You don't do jokes about tampons, blow jobs and dating do you? That is why I hate female comediennes'. Male comedians are really different from that.

Comic Relief has raised loadsa money! £40.2m. Every year it raises more and more, but does it really? these figures been adjusted for inflation? I want real figures damn it. I find some of the stints on comic relief rather painful but Andi Peter's appearance on this Ricky Gervais' sketch was worth it.

Today I am looking forward to the start of Phil Spector's trial, he is alleged to have shot an actress in his home a few years back. Actually more accurately I eagerly anticipate how his hair may have grown since last time.

Lastly Naomi will be doing her community service today mopping floors for five days in New York as punishment for throwing a mobile phone at her assistant. The question on everyone's lips is 'What will she wear?'. Let us hope she doesn't heed warnings not to wear her stilettos. These shoes would be perfect.

It's behind closed doors but I expect leaked mobile phone footage will make it's way to us soon.