Monday 2 April 2007
Best of this week.. aka forgot to post it when it was actually topical
Introducing MC Rove, the President's Deputy Chief of Staff. It reminds of the bit in Wayne's World where Noah Vandervelt raps his 'Noah's Arcade' advert.
Saturday 24 March 2007
Deputy PM: 'Pick me!'
This is probably the best news story of last week.
Prime Minister in waiting Gordon Brown forgets himself and proves he is a man of the people. But how many people do you know would pick and eat greens on TV? I love the skillful way he tries to distract attention through seat shuffling, in between his attempts to get at the offending bogey. I think he may have remembered that he was on TV right at the end when he straightens his tie.
You tube video
Prime Minister in waiting Gordon Brown forgets himself and proves he is a man of the people. But how many people do you know would pick and eat greens on TV? I love the skillful way he tries to distract attention through seat shuffling, in between his attempts to get at the offending bogey. I think he may have remembered that he was on TV right at the end when he straightens his tie.
You tube video
Tuesday 20 March 2007
Mop cam
Day 1: Top of the Mops
I love the way she can't bring herself to actually wear her sensible shoes. I never thought boots could look so chic worn as a hand-bag, I must try it.
Day 2: It ain't 'alf mop mum
Naomi would 'rather go naked than wear fur', but obviously she didn't want to be charged with gross indecency whilst on Community Service.
Naomi was slammed by Heather Mills over going back on her fur promise to PeTA in the 90s. Hey but it was the 90s, she was probably too busy dancing to old rave versions of the Sesame Street theme and Trumpton and wearing Global Hypercolour to have realised exactly what she was posing for. Someone at the Mail unearthed some old video from an 80s wedding of Heather wearing mink. Give her a break. It was the 90s. She was probably too into Rubiks Cubes to notice it was real fur. I haven't seen the video in question but I expect pink frosted lip-stick and Sam Fox roots.
Anyway I found this story about how Heather posed as a journalist who shares her name in order to get media work. I could try that with my porn star name-sake one day. Mills was rumbled because of her notable lack of leg. I would be caught because of my lack of notable piercings.
Oh well, who cares? My that lady can fox trot.
I love the way she can't bring herself to actually wear her sensible shoes. I never thought boots could look so chic worn as a hand-bag, I must try it.
Day 2: It ain't 'alf mop mum
Naomi would 'rather go naked than wear fur', but obviously she didn't want to be charged with gross indecency whilst on Community Service.
Naomi was slammed by Heather Mills over going back on her fur promise to PeTA in the 90s. Hey but it was the 90s, she was probably too busy dancing to old rave versions of the Sesame Street theme and Trumpton and wearing Global Hypercolour to have realised exactly what she was posing for. Someone at the Mail unearthed some old video from an 80s wedding of Heather wearing mink. Give her a break. It was the 90s. She was probably too into Rubiks Cubes to notice it was real fur. I haven't seen the video in question but I expect pink frosted lip-stick and Sam Fox roots.
Anyway I found this story about how Heather posed as a journalist who shares her name in order to get media work. I could try that with my porn star name-sake one day. Mills was rumbled because of her notable lack of leg. I would be caught because of my lack of notable piercings.
Oh well, who cares? My that lady can fox trot.
Monday 19 March 2007
Weekly round-up. What's coming up
I came into work at 5.30am today to do absolutely nothing. Hmph.What a week we have had.
I have performed stand-up in front of 80 people. My hand shook violently whilst on stage but somehow I muddled through and received a warm reception. It must have been the vibrator joke that did it. I am thankful for all my friends who came to watch. I have received encouragement to carry on gigging but I am not quite sure just yet. I can't tell if I enjoyed it, it was quite hard to do but I felt so high after.
Also this week saw the wrong winner for the British entry to the Eurovision announced on stage by Terry and Fearne. 90s Steps tribute act Scooch will be representing all that is good about British pop... I can't wait (to watch us loose).
On Friday I hung out with Lizo whilst visiting Children's BBC's news-show 'Newsround'. You can't see this on the photo above but with his shaved head he looks like a younger version of the guy from the Halifax adverts. He showed me some photographs depicting him holding MTV awards and complained he looked much older now. I accidentally insulted him by saying the only difference between them, was that he was smiling and now he looks like he's been at CBBC too long. He played a video of an Iron Maiden concert in the 80s, where you can glimpse him in the crowd at the end. Despite his love of heavy metal, he is a lot less 'zany' than you would imagine a CBBC presenter to be. It must be the serious news journalist in him. Additionally he said my last name was boring, such a cheek. He has a GSOH though. Good old GSOH.
Did you hear the one about the speed-dating tampon who gives head? At CBBC one lady said to me 'You don't do jokes about tampons, blow jobs and dating do you? That is why I hate female comediennes'. Male comedians are really different from that.
Comic Relief has raised loadsa money! £40.2m. Every year it raises more and more, but does it really? these figures been adjusted for inflation? I want real figures damn it. I find some of the stints on comic relief rather painful but Andi Peter's appearance on this Ricky Gervais' sketch was worth it.
Today I am looking forward to the start of Phil Spector's trial, he is alleged to have shot an actress in his home a few years back. Actually more accurately I eagerly anticipate how his hair may have grown since last time.
Lastly Naomi will be doing her community service today mopping floors for five days in New York as punishment for throwing a mobile phone at her assistant. The question on everyone's lips is 'What will she wear?'. Let us hope she doesn't heed warnings not to wear her stilettos. These shoes would be perfect.
It's behind closed doors but I expect leaked mobile phone footage will make it's way to us soon.
Artist impression of Naiomi, helped by her celebrity friends.
Sunday 11 March 2007
oh no
When I invited my friends to see my stand up comedy showcase, where along with 10 other stand up comedy course members I go on stage at a pub in Belsize Park, my friend told me
"omg, you've learned how to be funny, that's amazing!"
I am not sure I have. 4 days to go and I do not know if I want to use this 5 minutes or other material. I am confused. Unprepared. Have no deliver technique. I am scared.
"omg, you've learned how to be funny, that's amazing!"
I am not sure I have. 4 days to go and I do not know if I want to use this 5 minutes or other material. I am confused. Unprepared. Have no deliver technique. I am scared.
Wednesday 7 March 2007
I need professional help
I am ok, you're ok, we're all ok.
I've spent all of Friday to Monday on an arduous journey of self development. I was forced to make eye contact, share, hold hands, give, receive and hug. To be intimate, but not carnal with a room for of strangers. Strangers who all turned out to be ex-alcoholics, drug-users, divorcees and abandoned by their parents.
I’d been told by my mother to go on a course called “Essence". She had been strongly recommended it and thought I'd be a more confident person for it. Despite the fact she is 75% responsible for my lack of self esteem, I thought I'd go. I could do with finding my inner voice, despite that sometimes my outer voice seems quite noisy. Hopefully I would be able to listen to myself and stop being so indecisive and, at the very least I’d be able to order a drink at a bar, without being wrecked with doubt. Of course there was always the chance this was a brain washing cult. My fears weren’t alleviated by finding an entry about the “Church of the Living Essence” on Wikipedia. I expected to come out and to have signed away all prospective earnings to Essence.
You didn't talk on this course, you "shared" and people were "sharing" a hell of a lot more than I expected. Within two hours there were revelations, there were tears and there were problems so serious, mine felt as insignificant as someone passing wind in a sewage treatment farm. This wasn't just self development, I was in some kind of group therapy.
By the end of day one, they were doing family constellations. I sat their in disbelief as they unfolded in front of me. It felt so unreal. Menis who facilitated the seminar, a millionaire psychchologist Jerry Springer character if you will, would ask a member of the course who came forward as having relationship issues, to pick representatives of their family from the room. These representatives would be positioned how the individual viewed them in the picture of their family in their mind. They stayed in position, spoke about how they feel and were then allowed to move around. Family conflicts, tensions and feelings would come to light by watching a mini role-play of their family. Menis made the acting family members say words such as “Part of me died without you” and “I am sorry, I had no choice I had to leave”. Usually it all ended in a huge tearful group hug. People picked as representatives were crying as they acted out the mini drama, strangely people watching were also crying. One guy couldn’t cry but burped instead, the guy playing his dad also burped in sympathy.
It was all very strange, I prayed and looked down every time someone went to the front of the group that I wouldn’t be picked. She chose me. I played the girl with the issues in her family drama. I suspect she picked me as she sensed and identified with my North London Jewishness. I said what I felt. My ‘mum’ cried, I hugged her, not in character but because I wanted to stop her crying. It was strange I felt disconnected but I said what I felt. I felt like a fraud and a bad representative but I tried my best to identify with the situation.
That summed up my whole experience. I felt uncomfortable but I threw myself into it. I tried my best to get the most out of it whilst I was there. I even joined in the group hug which was a way to interact with people on the course we hadn’t yet spoken to. I managed to hug 40 people in 5 minutes, in a hug construction line. I refused to touch the creepy guy though, he had to just settle for eye contact. We were told not to be offended if a person did not chose to hug us as it was “their problem not ours” , but it's not true, it was all him him him (the curly haired 70s kids tv presenter freak). Funny that our group hug feel good session happened just before we talked about payment.
I joined in a massive chain shoulder massage. Also I got the chance to regress (pretend) to be a 5 year old and ask my parents for anything I wanted. I asked them to seek therapy. The whole exercise gave me a headache which went as soon as we stopped – hurrah my parent issues affected me after all. I didn’t feel so left out of the group. At one point I had to walk around the room and tell people "I see your essence is...". Only, I really didn't know what everyone's essence was, I wasn't even sure what they meant by 'essence', which was bad research given the name of the course. I had to make stuff up to a few people and I felt like a bit of a sham. I received some lovely compliments, promptly forgotten. However some of those positive comments I received actually unintentionally reinforced a few negative feelings about myself.
When I arrived home, I found an email from my US friend that said my long distance boyfriend had been imprisoned in jail. Worried at first, it turned out it was for writing with a marker 'r0ck is king' on a New York subway poster. My boyfriend later remarked that both our experiences stuck with a bunch of strangers were comparable. The boyfriend told me about one guy that night who was arrested because he took up two seats on the subway. I am now terrified to visit, should I be arrested.
All in all, my experience was mixed, I heard some lovely compliments about myself in our mass group complement orgy, but I felt I didn't really connect with it all. I wanted to try and make it work and to use some of the positive psychology techniques in real life but I am not sure I will. I took some numbers, a few took mine but I seriously doubt I will hear from them.
Am I brainwashed? Well unfortunately I have no money to give. There's still time, I will join the e-group and Menis holds a summer party.
Mum rang me today and apparently I signed up to the wrong course.
I've spent all of Friday to Monday on an arduous journey of self development. I was forced to make eye contact, share, hold hands, give, receive and hug. To be intimate, but not carnal with a room for of strangers. Strangers who all turned out to be ex-alcoholics, drug-users, divorcees and abandoned by their parents.
I’d been told by my mother to go on a course called “Essence". She had been strongly recommended it and thought I'd be a more confident person for it. Despite the fact she is 75% responsible for my lack of self esteem, I thought I'd go. I could do with finding my inner voice, despite that sometimes my outer voice seems quite noisy. Hopefully I would be able to listen to myself and stop being so indecisive and, at the very least I’d be able to order a drink at a bar, without being wrecked with doubt. Of course there was always the chance this was a brain washing cult. My fears weren’t alleviated by finding an entry about the “Church of the Living Essence” on Wikipedia. I expected to come out and to have signed away all prospective earnings to Essence.
You didn't talk on this course, you "shared" and people were "sharing" a hell of a lot more than I expected. Within two hours there were revelations, there were tears and there were problems so serious, mine felt as insignificant as someone passing wind in a sewage treatment farm. This wasn't just self development, I was in some kind of group therapy.
By the end of day one, they were doing family constellations. I sat their in disbelief as they unfolded in front of me. It felt so unreal. Menis who facilitated the seminar, a millionaire psychchologist Jerry Springer character if you will, would ask a member of the course who came forward as having relationship issues, to pick representatives of their family from the room. These representatives would be positioned how the individual viewed them in the picture of their family in their mind. They stayed in position, spoke about how they feel and were then allowed to move around. Family conflicts, tensions and feelings would come to light by watching a mini role-play of their family. Menis made the acting family members say words such as “Part of me died without you” and “I am sorry, I had no choice I had to leave”. Usually it all ended in a huge tearful group hug. People picked as representatives were crying as they acted out the mini drama, strangely people watching were also crying. One guy couldn’t cry but burped instead, the guy playing his dad also burped in sympathy.
It was all very strange, I prayed and looked down every time someone went to the front of the group that I wouldn’t be picked. She chose me. I played the girl with the issues in her family drama. I suspect she picked me as she sensed and identified with my North London Jewishness. I said what I felt. My ‘mum’ cried, I hugged her, not in character but because I wanted to stop her crying. It was strange I felt disconnected but I said what I felt. I felt like a fraud and a bad representative but I tried my best to identify with the situation.
That summed up my whole experience. I felt uncomfortable but I threw myself into it. I tried my best to get the most out of it whilst I was there. I even joined in the group hug which was a way to interact with people on the course we hadn’t yet spoken to. I managed to hug 40 people in 5 minutes, in a hug construction line. I refused to touch the creepy guy though, he had to just settle for eye contact. We were told not to be offended if a person did not chose to hug us as it was “their problem not ours” , but it's not true, it was all him him him (the curly haired 70s kids tv presenter freak). Funny that our group hug feel good session happened just before we talked about payment.
I joined in a massive chain shoulder massage. Also I got the chance to regress (pretend) to be a 5 year old and ask my parents for anything I wanted. I asked them to seek therapy. The whole exercise gave me a headache which went as soon as we stopped – hurrah my parent issues affected me after all. I didn’t feel so left out of the group. At one point I had to walk around the room and tell people "I see your essence is...". Only, I really didn't know what everyone's essence was, I wasn't even sure what they meant by 'essence', which was bad research given the name of the course. I had to make stuff up to a few people and I felt like a bit of a sham. I received some lovely compliments, promptly forgotten. However some of those positive comments I received actually unintentionally reinforced a few negative feelings about myself.
When I arrived home, I found an email from my US friend that said my long distance boyfriend had been imprisoned in jail. Worried at first, it turned out it was for writing with a marker 'r0ck is king' on a New York subway poster. My boyfriend later remarked that both our experiences stuck with a bunch of strangers were comparable. The boyfriend told me about one guy that night who was arrested because he took up two seats on the subway. I am now terrified to visit, should I be arrested.
All in all, my experience was mixed, I heard some lovely compliments about myself in our mass group complement orgy, but I felt I didn't really connect with it all. I wanted to try and make it work and to use some of the positive psychology techniques in real life but I am not sure I will. I took some numbers, a few took mine but I seriously doubt I will hear from them.
Am I brainwashed? Well unfortunately I have no money to give. There's still time, I will join the e-group and Menis holds a summer party.
Mum rang me today and apparently I signed up to the wrong course.
Wednesday 21 February 2007
Libby Kennedy kisses like a cold wet fish
An open letter to Alan Dale
Dear Alan Dale.
I urge you to please stop playing the same character in every TV show you appear. The O.C, Lost, and now Ugly Betty.
You do indeed portray rich, overbearing fathers heading powerful but sinister corporations extremely well. However, I worry you will be type-cast forever and will never be allowed to play the sort of loveable father figure we know so well from Neighbours.
Yours lovingly
Granny Helen, CEO of Home James & the Daniel's Corporation.
Dear Alan Dale.
I urge you to please stop playing the same character in every TV show you appear. The O.C, Lost, and now Ugly Betty.
You do indeed portray rich, overbearing fathers heading powerful but sinister corporations extremely well. However, I worry you will be type-cast forever and will never be allowed to play the sort of loveable father figure we know so well from Neighbours.
Yours lovingly
Granny Helen, CEO of Home James & the Daniel's Corporation.
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